Disney Day Two, Take One

You know the day is starting out right when your almost-three year old jolts you out of bed at 5:50 a.m….

Thankfully, it did actually get better when we peaked out the window and saw these guys peaking back….



So, we gathered up the herd. Tanner really would have preferred to sleep awhile longer, but Morgan was excited to FINALLY! SEE! THE! PRINCESSES! So, off we went to Epcot:



Since we got there early (8 a.m.), we used the opportunity to ride the Spaceship Earth ride. It scared Morgan to death (you’ll notice a reoccurring theme here). After that, we decided to check out the all new Nemo ride. Unfortunately, we got there a bit early & had to wait awhile. Which, in mommy’s world, means photo opp.



It was a fairly short ride, and cute. It scared Morgan. I would have said it was hardly worth the wait…until I saw the animation in the water. I’m not sure how they did it, but they actually make an animated, 3D Nemo “swim” with the real fishes. That was incredible.

On the exit of the Nemo ride, we encountered a bunch of aquarium displays. Morgan & Tanner loved watching the dolphins swim in the tank, and then we let them count Nemo.



Now, for those of you who know Randy & his background, you’ll understand how much he enjoyed finding the following item:



Yup, that is a Walt Disney World survey marker. We spotted a few different ones around the park, and to say the least, Randy was very tickled by this.

We then did a ride through The Land, which talks about how plants have been grown in the past, and what Disney is doing to grow things in the future. I remembered this ride from long ago, and it was still really enjoyable. And, yes, even this ride scared Morgan (pretty much any dark ride is going to scare her). We were tickled by the 9 pound lemons (they can each produce a gallon of lemonade!) and the Mickey Mouse shaped pumpkins.

Finally, off to see the Princesses. We had originally booked the Princess lunch for Morgan – boy, did we underestimate Tanner. He totally & completely fell in love with the Princesses. Where yesterday, they wouldn’t go near the cast of characters, today, they did not hesitate to see the princesses.

We got to start by greeting Sleeping Beauty (thankfully my kids know which princess is which)…



Tanner literally ran up to her to give her a hug and about knocked Morgan out of the way. We should have read this as an early indicator of what was to come.

And then, the other princesses came out:

Ariel



Belle



Jasmine (probably Tanner’s favorite)





and finally, Cinderella…



Each princess stopped at our table and took time to ask the kid’s name & age (and usually if they were twins). The kids ate it up. That smile that Morgan has on with Jasmine above – she had that on almost the entire time that the Princesses were near.

When lunch was finished, we went to leave and had to literally carry Tanner screaming & kicking out of the restaurant. He kept pointing at the door where all the Princesses had entered from – he really wanted to see them again.

We then left Epcot & headed back to the Animal Kingdom. Thankfully, it’s a short bus ride. This time, there were only three families on the bus and we learned that Disney is 40+ square miles and employs over 57,000 people (that doesn’t count some of the food vendors or bus drivers which are subcontractors). Truly amazing when you think about it.

And that, that was all done before 1 p.m. The kids and Randy are napping now. Take Two coming soon.

Disney - Day One

Traveling with two (almost) three year olds can be taxing. But, the good news is that all of us and all of our luggage made it to the hotel. What more can you ask for?

Tanner absolutely LOVED the airplane flight. Morgan was a tad bit more anxious, and held onto Mommy's hand during the landing. She doesn't like it when the plane "squishes" her into the seat. We tried to convince the kids to take a nap on the plane, but that wasn't happening.

During the bus ride from the airport to the Magical Kingdom, they did decide to nap - even though they probably only got about 20 minute nap in.



We're staying at the Animal Kingdom Lodge this week - and it's truly gorgeous. We booked a "standard" view room, which means that we would overlook the parking lot. However, we agreed to overlook construction of the new Disney Vacation Club villas... Sounds bad? Not if you consider that it is still a Savannah view room. So, even though we do see a new building be constructed, we've spotted an impala, some kind of oxen, ostrich, and a giraffe from our room already. It was a good way to start the trip out. The rooms are a bit small, but we probably won't be spending much time here anyways.

We ate a quick lunch of fried shrimp (for Randy) and pizza for the kids & I. Since Tanner & Morgan are under 3, we did not have to buy a meal plan for them. So, they eat off of our plates. And, for desert, these marvelous little things called Zebra Domes. Oh my goodness - so good with some kind of liquor in them. I think I've found my dessert of choice.

Then we hit the Animal Kingdom. We got there at the tail end of the parade - so we had to fight the masses of people that were leaving the park. The good news is that the park was probably much less crowded than what it was earlier in the day.

We also hit the Lion King Stage Show right as it was getting to start. We got great seats - second row. We hadn't heard much about this show, but it was really incredible. About 1/2 way through, Tanner turned to me and said "do it again!". He loved the singing & dancing that was performed.

The show starts with four people coming out and introducing the show...they were quite funny.



And then these large garage doors open on 2 sides of the show, and they roll out these huge stages. It was incredible. Four of them were safari animals that sat between the four sections of people. Then they also rolled out a stage that was in the middle of the arena. When it came out, it was a trampoline and the "monkeys" preformed amazing acrobatics.

Then, there was a bird who came out and "flew" threw the air. It was beautiful and Morgan was really in awe of that one.

Finally, they performed The Lion Sleeps Tonight...which you'll remember is one of Tanner's favorite songs. In the middle of the song, one of the monkeys stopped by & posed for a picture. It was tough to get a clear picture with the stage lighting.



We then went to see Mickey Mouse. This would have been a great photo opportunity, except the kids freaked out on us and wouldn't go anywhere near him. The Disneyphotopass people got a picture of all of us with him - we'll have to settle for that. We headed back to leave, and ended up seeing Mickey, Minnie, Donald, & Goofy on our way out. Tanner specifically asked to see each one of them, but wouldn't go close to them after we got to the front of the line. He did blow them each a kiss. Hopefully they'll warm up before it's too late!

Finally, we came back to find our luggage had been delivered. We then headed down to dinner at the Boma restaraunt which is an all-you-can eat buffet (worked well for sharing meals with the kids). We learned that Tanner & Morgan loved Prime Rib. They also got to enjoy a special Soy Cream ice cream since all of the desserts have egg in them.

We've only been to two restaraunts here in the hotel so far, but have been impressed with both. This afternoon, they offered to make us Chicken Strips without egg... and tonight the head chef showed me around to point out "safe" foods. He checked in with us 3 times, and personally delivered the special ice cream topped with whipped cream and cherries. If our other dining experiences go this well, it will be a huge relief for us!

The kids (and Randy) are all sacked out now. We're hoping for an early start at Epcot tomorrow. There aren't a lot of things for little kids to see in Epcot, but we have a lunch with Princesses scheduled. Then in the afternoon, our friends Lisa, Joey, Aiden, and Mason will swing by - or we'll head out to another park (maybe MGM?).

Packed & Ready

We are packed & ready for the land of the Mouse...or at least as much as we ever could be. Thankfully, I'm one of those people who like to prepare early, so this weekend wasn't nearly as stressful as it could have been. And, even with all of that, I feel like we're just finishing stuff under the wire. Thankfully, though, we won't be packing at 1 a.m.

We spent this weekend doing some fun things on top of the packing & shopping that had to be done. We managed to enjoy the finally spring-like weather...including a first outing on our tricycles and some good ol' fashioned sliding.





Now, other important aspects of getting ready for the trip including reading through our planning books:



And, discussing what we wanted to see in the Magic Kingdom:



We even managed to try on the sunglasses that Grandma Red & Aunt Sherry picked up for us over a year ago in Disneyland.





Of course, Mommy & Daddy had the hardest work of all - packing up all of our stuff (isn't it amazing how much STUFF we need for 6 days).



We're really excited about the Magical Express Option from Disney. This means that all of our luggage will go from check-in at the KCI airport directly to our hotel room. How excellent is that? And, we should come home with less than what we went with - there are diapers & egg-free snacks packed in there.

It's still yet to be determined if everything will fit in the car - this is the car without us and the carry-on bags (Tanner & Morgan's backpacks, diaper bag, and one roll-on with medicines and such).



The kids are in bed, we're finishing last minute cleaning & packing - and all seems on target for launch tomorrow morning.

Wish us luck...

We've been duped

Background:

Our house, and I'm pretty sure any house with two nearly three year olds, is all about routines. One of our routines nearly every morning is putting Prayer Bear into one of our chairs, and then tucking him in for the day. Each day, we remind Morgan that Prayer Bear (#2) will be there for her nap.

We've been so secretly pleased with ourselves that we've pulled off this gig - letting the girl think that her one magical Prayer Bear could teleport itself from home to school...almost magically.

Tonight when the kids got home from work, Randy told Morgan to go get Prayer Bear.

Conversation:

Morgan: "I missed you, Prayer Bear!"

Daddy: "Morgan, didn't you just see Prayer Bear at nap time at school?"

Morgan: "No, Daddy, that was my other Prayer Bear."


At this point, I looked at Randy. "Did you just hear what she said?"


Daddy: "Morgan, how many Prayer Bears do you have?"

Morgan: "I have two Prayer Bears, Daddy."


I'm telling you, This One, THIS ONE is going to give us problems.

Bunny's Elves

Overheard yesterday:

The Easter Bunny had to go home because he ran out of eggs. He has to make some new ones, right, daddy?

Happy Easter

Happy Easter - well, at least I think it's Easter. It feels a bit like Christmas right now - it was 22 F when we left for church this morning. I'm not sure, but I think Christmas morning was warmer than that.

The day did not start good. With the recent dip in temperatures, Tanner & Morgan have both picked up a runny nose / cough combination. It's infurtiating, especially given the fact that we are headed to Disney in 8 days (not that I'm counting). The last thing I want is to schlep two sick kids through Disney World. My biggest fear is Morgan - one of these coughs on her can last anywhere from 2 - 3 weeks.

On top of that, Tanner appears to be really tired & irritable - and doesn't have his listening ears on. By the time we got home from church, Tanner had lost his Easter basket and had to earn it back. He didn't take that very well.



Especially since Morgan was already enjoying her Easter basket:





He finally "earned" back the Easter basket by posing for Easter pictures with his sister. As you can see, he wasn't the most excited, but at least I was able to get a few smiles out of him. I'm not sure which of these two pictures I like better:





He was then finally able to dig into his Easter basket.







The Easter Bunny is one smart cookie, he she brought the kids stuff that will help on the upcoming Disney trip. Including a Mr. Potato Head (in Downtown Disney, they have an area where you can buy special Potato Head parts...in bulk...I have to admit, this is probably one of the things that excites me most, and will definitely be one of our purchases), Carz & Princess Sunglasses, and Disney wash mitts. Morgan especially liked her sunglasses...



Happy Easter!

This One is Going to Cause Us Problems

Since the kids were little, we have labeled them with different names. For a long time, we have referred to Morgan as "this one". Why? Because, this one, this one is going to cause us problems.

Last night, Morgan tured to me and said:

Mommy, just chill out.

So Proud

Yesterday morning when Tanner got out of bed, he wanted to climb into bed with Morgan and wake her up. They lay in bed, lounging on Morgan's bed, and Tanner turned to me and said "I love my sister."

This is what I envisioned having twins as being like.

Presents

I had the following discussion with Morgan tonight.

Mommy, are we going to see Sydeny tonight?

No, honey, remember we can't see Sydney until after we get back from Disney world. (Sydney's been exposed to Chicken Pox and we won't be able to see her until she has no risk of being contagious).

Oh.

Maybe we can bring a special present back from Disney for Sydney and you can see her then.

Yes!

A few moments later...

Mommy, I want to bring a present back for me, too.

Honey, that's not the way it works. You buy presents for other people, not yourself.

A few seconds later...

Mommy, can I buy Prayer Bear a present in Disney World?

Stunned

I'm going to try not to make this a huge bragging post...because really, it's not that...well, at least not completely.

Yesterday, I picked Morgan up, and she has a new little game she likes to play. She likes you to give her a word, and then she'll tell you what letter it starts with. So, on the drive home, we went through 15 - 20 different words of all different letters. She got most of them correct - the one that she got most incorrect was "car" and "cat" - which she said started with a "k".

I'm shocked, and I really don't know where to go with this next. I think it's awesome, and I take no credit myself. Oh no, that all goes to this little gizmo that they got for Christmas.

What do we do now? Try to work with her on reading? Contact Harvard?

I Can Do It

This may be why they say that three is worse than two (the age, not the number of kids).

This morning, Morgan insisted on helping Daddy tie his shoe. She worked for a solid 15 minutes.

The end results:



Any guess on how long it took daddy to undo it?

Adorable

Just because....he's so damn cute. He put this hat on himself this morning & insisted on wearing it backwards - giving me his "no, monny" when I tried to get him to turn it around.

A Weekend Update

We spent the past weekend at my parent's house. Unfortunately, we are rarely there for more than 36 hours. So, it's relatively a quick trip. But, since my parent's live in nowhere Iowa, we like to find things that we can do with the kids. This weekend's project was coloring Easter Eggs - and a birthday party (my sister-in-law is getting married their birthday weekend, so we won't be able to celebrate then & this was our only weekend to either go to Iowa or have Grandma & Grandpa come here).

I didn't realize that Easter Eggs would be so much fun with the kids this year. Here is a picture of us getting all set up - please note the clean work surfaces.



The kids dug right in. Tanner loved scooping the eggs out of the dye and making all different colored eggs.



Morgan, on the other hand, would only make PINK eggs.



Both grandma & I were surprised at how quickly the eggs disappeared. But, it was somewhat exabberated by the fact that once Morgan realized our supply was limited, she would dunk the eggs and put them in her pile as quickly as could be.

Thankfully, we figured out Tanner could redye the pink eggs and make a cool purple. Morgan even agreed to share some of her eggs in this endeavor.



And then, it was time to clean up. The kids were very good about helping wipe up the tables - notice how messy Tanner got in this process.



That night, we had the twins' and cousin Katelynn's belated birthday parties. I don't think that any of the three of them minded celebrating early (or late in Katelynn's case). Here they are with their (egg-free) cupcakes.






And, enjoying the goods...

Driven

As we approach the three-year-old mark, Randy & I are getting more desperate to see the end of diaper & pull-up days (because really, what is a pull-up other than an expensive diaper). We've tried lots of different methods to push gently nudge the kids along in their efforts.

Tonight, we tried the old faithful: bribery. To whomever poops on the potty - TWO bags of M&Ms. Yes, not just one bag - two bags.

Morgan hopped on the potty and started grunting...to no avail. But, my daugher is driven by chocolate (after all, she is my daughter). Finally, after she had tried and pushed and tried, she turned to her father:

"Daddy, can you help me?"

Anatomy chez Morgan

We're learning so much as the twins grow older. Since we have boy/girl twins, we sometimes struggle with explaining gender differences to them. It usually goes something like this: girls wear barrettes, girls wear dresses, etc. Ironically, there isn't much that a boy does that a girl can't do. But, barrettes and dresses, daddy draws the line there.

The other day, Morgan was going through our list of family & friends: Morgan is girl, Tanner is a boy, Mommy is a girl, Daddy is a boy, Grandma is a girl, etc...

Randy looked over at her and said "Morgan, what's the difference between a girl and a boy?"

Morgan looked at him, grinned slyly, lowered her voice and ducked her head:

"Daddy, boys have penises."

Calling All Drives

We need some feedback!

About a year and a half ago, we purchased a Chevy Venture minivan. While it has met our needs, we haven't been that enthusiastic about it. And, lately, we've been downright irritated with the wind noise that the dealership can never replicate - and thus never repair. It's one of those nails-on-chalkboard-make-you-gouge-your-eyes-out sounds.

Last weekend, Randy made a comment about it wouldn't break his heart when we got rid of this vehicle - and I had been thinking the same thing for awhile. We've recently come to grips with the fact that this will be a 4-person family. While we occasionally need to haul an additional person (maybe 2 - 3 times/year) - it really doesn't justify keeping a vehicle that we don't like.

So, this time, we're trying to do a little more research. We've been researching at Edmund's & Consumer Reports, checked insurance rates on different vehicles - and we've kind of decided what we like. But, no one we know has a similar vehicle - so we don't have any in-person folks we can ask.

So, to our internet friends - any input?

Two of our finalists (and we are definitely open to test driving some more):

Toyota RAV4



Nissan Murano


I personally think the Murano is a bit sportier looking, but the RAV4 has some better safety features. As far as price - they aren't that different and with special Nissan incentives, the Murano may be a bit cheaper overall.

Please - give us some feedback!

Community

The internet has changed our world. Yes, I know, not a huge revelation, huh? But really, when I think back 15 years ago when I graduated high school - the internet was hardly in existence then. I didn't start to explore it until college, and even during most of my college career, it was fairly limited and mostly text.

Then, slowly it started to change. In 1999, I met my husband on online. Boy, was that difficult to explain...then. Now, it's fairly common. We don't get the comments now, that we used to back then.

When my son had biliary atresia, I found a support group online. What started as a group to ask questions of - and glean some hope from - became friends. Good friends. People you go to the beach with and spend a weekend. People whose children have the same issues as yours.

And, it grew from there. Blogging is similar to that. Even if you don't have a blog yourself, you read blogs. And, I think that most of us tend to gravitate towards blogs that we have something in common with. I enjoy twin blogs - especially boy/girl twin blogs - and it's even better if the kids are close to mine in age.

So, when I started following a new blog written by a father who was expecting boy/girl twins - it was fun. To relive the excitement that we went through. To root them on, give some advice. His wife carried their twins to 37 weeks - as a preemie mom, this is the goldens standard. At 37 weeks, everything is supposed to be just fine. But, something horrible went wrong, and after only 11 days, their son passed away Saturday night.

I'm grieving for this family - maybe in part because I know how close we were to the same fate, and I remember those horrible emotions. Maybe in part because that's really just the way this whole internet thing has grown - that even though I may not have known these people, I knew them.

To Rob and his entire family, I am so sorry.

A Grandmother's Love

Tomorrow marks the two year anniversary of the day that my son received 24% of his paternal grandmother's liver. It's hard to believe that two years ago, we had a very sick, very yellow little boy. This was taken on 02/14 of that year - 2 weeks prior to his transplant. He was so yellow, puny looking, and had the biggest ol' belly.



On February 23rd, our transplant coordinator called and said "Stacy, if Grandma's a match, we'll do the transplant on Monday the 28th". Well, please remember, February has 28 days - so March dates coincide perfectly with February. So, I calmly replied, "Oh Penny, that's great - March 28th will be perfect. It still gives us about a month to wait, and it will give us time to get ready if we do have to do living donor."

I'm not sure how many times she had to tell me, no, it was February 28th she was referring to - only 5 days away! I remember calling Randy, who called his parents. They were already headed to Kansas City so that we could travel on Thursday to St. Louis for Grandma's donor evaluation.

The next few days are a blur - I remember getting a call on Friday night at 5 p.m. saying "Grandma's a match!". We spent the weekend locating an apartment to rent for a month, getting food, and getting everyone settled in. My dad, Grandpa Elmer, our nanny, Ashley, and Morgan all drove over on Sunday. Aunt Sherry flew in - and Great Uncle Alfred and Aunt Mary Lou traveled in as well.

The transplant itself went well with very few complications. Tanner was inpatient for 10 days - Grandma for 5 days. And, the amazing thing was how much better Tanner felt after the transplant. When we came "home" to the rented apartment, it was Grandma and I. But, Grandma was post-op, too. I was exhausted feeding the little boy who's food intake more than doubled and who wanted to play ALL DAY LONG.



We were blessed by beautiful March weather. Tanner, Grandma, and I would venture to the little downtown of Kirkwood on days that we didn't have appointments at clinic. The little downtown area was full of stores that we would browse and enjoy for a few hours at a time.

It seemed like forever before we were "released" to go home to Kansas City, but in reality, it was only a little over 3-1/2 weeks after his transplant. It was Good Friday, and I couldn't think of a better holiday to be sent home considering Tanner's recent "rebirth".




Last year at this time, we held a huge Mardi Gras party to say thank you to everyone and to celebrate a year of wonderful health.



This year, we are celebrating quietly. Grandma was here last week to celebrate and watch the kids while mommy was away. Tomorrow, Tanner & Morgan are taking Oreo cookies to daycare (egg free - God Bless the Oreo Cookie Man) & we'll go out to dinner.



And, the neatest part about it all - is that when we go out tomorrow, it's our secret why. When Tanner was so sick, it was painfully obvious that the boy needed help. Today, I have a "healthy" little boy. No one can tell by looking at him how sick he is - and for that, we are truly grateful.

Thank you, Grandma.

Blue Jay

Tanner is feeling much better. So much better, that we've had a hard time getting him to go to sleep at night. We'll put him to bed at normal bedtime, and he will lay there talking and singing for up to 3 - 4 hours.

Last night was the same old story. But, around 10:00 (3 hours after his bedtime), he started to cry and scream. I ran downstairs and into his room. I was not expecting what I saw.

Tanner sitting in the middle of his bed - butt naked. Not a stitch of clothing, diaper, or anything.

Turns out he was crying because he had peed in his diaper (we've been working on potty-training) and he desperately wanted to get it off. So, he had shimmied out of his pajamas - THROUGH THE NECKHOLE - and at some point lost his diaper in the whole process. We're still not exactly sure how long it took him to shimmy out the neck hole of his zip-up front pajamas - but needless to say, we were duly impressed.

Update

Well, I did end up making my meeting in Baltimore, I was just a day late. Amazing what Pepto will do for you.

Tanner is feeling better. Maybe too much better. He won't sleep now. We put him to bed at 7 p.m. - and hours later, he is still awake (last night it was 11 p.m.). Not sure if he's just very well rested right now, or what the scoop is. Any suggestions?

I was evicted last week. So, we spent this weekend repainting the former nursery and turning it into my office. I'll literally be working from home now. It's a mixed bag. It will be nice to be so closely located to home, but I invariably work too much. See, the office has been here one day, and already I've spent 2 hours working tonight.

Jeopardy

Q: What will cause you to spend 48 hours in a hospital while your son receives IV fluids for severe dehydration caused by 4 days of continuous vomiting and diaherra?

A: Rotovirus.

Extra Credit: Yes, it snagged me, too, and I had to cancel my flight to Baltimore for a work meeting.

Four Dozen

The problem with putting your twins in separate classes - you have to take treats for two classes instead of one.

The problem with having a kid with an egg allergy - you volunteer to make the (egg-free) cookies instead of buying the soda.

Old MacDonald Had a Farm

Tanner & Morgan were singing Old MacDonald today - but today, it had a bit of a twist.

Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he had a daddy, E-I-E-I-O
With a No No here, and a No No there,
Here a No, There a No, Everywhere a No No...

Work....

Besides chasing after two rugrats and trying to maintain at least part of our household, most of my days are focused on my job.

My career has been an intersting one to say the least. It's definitely NOT the career I had pictured for myself when I was in high school, but boy, I sure didn't know much then. Back in those days, I dreamed of working for a large corporation and helping start-up their international business units - primarily in Russia (this was back when communism was falling). I even took Russian lessons - although don't ask me to say anything.

When I went off to college, I started at a very prestigious school on the East Coast, and then found that it wasn't to my liking. It was fiercely competitive in a huge city - something that a young girl from Iowa really wasn't ready for. Combine that with the fact that I already spent my last high school semester on the Iowa State campus, and I felt like "home" was calling me. I returned to Iowa State after only one semester at the other college.

I think it was then that I realized I would have a more "normal" career - not one that would change the way that we do things in this society or have some huge impact on life. A piece of me has always felt like I let my former self down.

I'm now in my mid-30s, and I feel even more like my career has been train-wrecked. Pre-kids, I had started my MBA. In fact, I was accepted to MBA school a few days before I found out I was pregnant, and registered for my first classes a week before I found out it was twins.

After the kids were born prematurely and Tanner had major health problems, I completely gave up hopes of getting my MBA any time soon. I even quit the job I had (not necessarily a bad thing), and returned to a former employer that would give me job flexibility. It's flexibility I desperately needed as Tanner was facing a transplant.

The cost of working for the former employer has been two fold. I actually took a salary decrease to go there - and I work remotely. The company is headquartered in Denver with offices in Knoxville and Baltimore. I have managed to work myself into a pretty key role, but that requires me to travel some. That isn't easy when you have two young children.

Now, as the children's health is less of an issue, I find myself yearning for a career track - something that will allow me to be more than just an employee. Something that will give me more power - more money - something that will grow my current resume. There have been stirrings in the company that if I am willing to move, I can move up the ladder into upper management. And, I'm not sure what I would do if I stay with this company (which has been very good to me), if I don't move.

And to complicate matters more, if I want a similar position doing similar stuff, a former co-worker of mine is now part-owner of a similar company. He's looking for someone to do the stuff that I do - and make 50% more.

It's been weighing heavily on my mind. I feel an obligation to my current employer - they stood by me durng my time of need - and they have been very flexible with my schedule. However, I feel the need to do more at this company if it is going to grow and survive in a tight economic market. And, yet, my heart is really torn. I love the home that Randy & I have built with our two hands. We designed it - it fits us and our family very well. Moving up means moving on, and I just don't know if I'm ready to make that move.