Work....

Besides chasing after two rugrats and trying to maintain at least part of our household, most of my days are focused on my job.

My career has been an intersting one to say the least. It's definitely NOT the career I had pictured for myself when I was in high school, but boy, I sure didn't know much then. Back in those days, I dreamed of working for a large corporation and helping start-up their international business units - primarily in Russia (this was back when communism was falling). I even took Russian lessons - although don't ask me to say anything.

When I went off to college, I started at a very prestigious school on the East Coast, and then found that it wasn't to my liking. It was fiercely competitive in a huge city - something that a young girl from Iowa really wasn't ready for. Combine that with the fact that I already spent my last high school semester on the Iowa State campus, and I felt like "home" was calling me. I returned to Iowa State after only one semester at the other college.

I think it was then that I realized I would have a more "normal" career - not one that would change the way that we do things in this society or have some huge impact on life. A piece of me has always felt like I let my former self down.

I'm now in my mid-30s, and I feel even more like my career has been train-wrecked. Pre-kids, I had started my MBA. In fact, I was accepted to MBA school a few days before I found out I was pregnant, and registered for my first classes a week before I found out it was twins.

After the kids were born prematurely and Tanner had major health problems, I completely gave up hopes of getting my MBA any time soon. I even quit the job I had (not necessarily a bad thing), and returned to a former employer that would give me job flexibility. It's flexibility I desperately needed as Tanner was facing a transplant.

The cost of working for the former employer has been two fold. I actually took a salary decrease to go there - and I work remotely. The company is headquartered in Denver with offices in Knoxville and Baltimore. I have managed to work myself into a pretty key role, but that requires me to travel some. That isn't easy when you have two young children.

Now, as the children's health is less of an issue, I find myself yearning for a career track - something that will allow me to be more than just an employee. Something that will give me more power - more money - something that will grow my current resume. There have been stirrings in the company that if I am willing to move, I can move up the ladder into upper management. And, I'm not sure what I would do if I stay with this company (which has been very good to me), if I don't move.

And to complicate matters more, if I want a similar position doing similar stuff, a former co-worker of mine is now part-owner of a similar company. He's looking for someone to do the stuff that I do - and make 50% more.

It's been weighing heavily on my mind. I feel an obligation to my current employer - they stood by me durng my time of need - and they have been very flexible with my schedule. However, I feel the need to do more at this company if it is going to grow and survive in a tight economic market. And, yet, my heart is really torn. I love the home that Randy & I have built with our two hands. We designed it - it fits us and our family very well. Moving up means moving on, and I just don't know if I'm ready to make that move.